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The Haggadah, the Ultimate Educator's Handbook
by Rabbi Naftali Silberberg
In the
The wise one, what does he say? “What are the testimonies, the statutes and the laws which
G-d , our Lord, has commanded you?” You, in turn, shall instruct him [all] the laws of Peach [up to] ‘one is not to eat any dessert after the Paschal lamb’.
This child, the one with so many detailed questions, is all too often not recognized as the wise one. Frequently he or she is referred to as “the nudge” or “the pest.” At the
The Haggadah tells us that this child isn’t disrespectful or a nudge. He is wise. Remember that your child is your greatest and most important responsibility, and nothing will turn-off a child more than a parent or teacher who doesn’t treat their questions with proper respect.
Answer your child. Answer every detail—if you don’t know the answer ask your rabbi (askmoses.com has a live scholar waiting to answer your questions 24/6). Otherwise you might, G-d forbid end up with…
The wicked one, what does he say? “What is this service to you?!” He says ‘to you’, but not to him! By thus excluding himself from the community he has denied that which is fundamental. You, therefore, must blunt his teeth and say to him: “‘It is because of this that G-d did for me when I left Egypt (
Exodus 13:8)’; ‘for me’ — but not for him! If he had been there, he would not have been redeemed!”
This child asks a seemingly innocent question. Only careful examination of the language of the question reveals the problem.
When we are asked a question, our natural instinct is to answer the question. The Haggadah tells us that sometimes it is more important to address the questioner than to answer the particular question; but this can only be done if the parent/teacher is really listening to the question, even paying attention to the wording of the question. Obviously the question must be answered too, as we learned from the section that deals with the wise son, but that is of secondary importance.
We inform the “wicked” son that if he would’ve been there, in Egypt, he would not have been redeemed. But now is different. Since the Torah was given at Mount Sinai every Jew has a G-dly soul and, like it or not, will be redeemed with all his brethren when
The simpleton, what does he say? “What is this?” Thus you shall say to him: “God took us out of Egypt, from the house of slaves, with a strong hand.”
This child is asking a quite simple question. Many times a child will ask such a question because he isn’t looking for a detailed technical response. Instead, this child is sitting at the Seder table and wondering: “Why is everyone so excited? Why does everyone gather, year after year, to celebrate an event which occurred many thousands of years ago? What is this?”
Such a question—which isn’t so simple after all—deserves a response in kind. Don’t bog down the child with the laws of grating the
Tell him that it’s fine to be excited and enthused about Judaism because we have a great G-d with a mighty hand who again and again delivers us from the hands of our enemies. This is the miraculous story of a people who have had as many enemies as there were civilizations, and G-d’s strong hand remains steady.
Remember that your child is your greatest and most important responsibility, and nothing will turn-off a child more than a parent or teacher who doesn’t treat their questions with proper respectIn other words, the parent/educator cannot suffice with transmitting information. It is necessary to imbue our children with a love for G-d and a passion for serving Him.
As for the one who does not know (how) to ask, you must initiate him, as it is said: “You shall tell your child on that day, ‘It is because of this that God did for me when I left Egypt’.”
This child is not one who is “too obtuse to ask.” Nor is he “unwilling to ask.” He simply does not know that he is supposed to ask. He is used to processing all the information that his parents and teachers constantly throw in his direction; but he is not used to using his own mind, to scrutinize, analyze and question. This is actually a quite common phenomenon—even amongst very intelligent children.
The Haggadah tells us that if a child does not know to ask you must realize that (at least partially) the blame lies with you; for you have not initiated the child into the art of thinking.
The solution is to compel him to think. Tell him that “You shall tell your child on that day, ‘It is because of this that God did for me when I left Egypt’.” Such a blank statement, which on the surface makes no sense, is certain to elicit a barrage of questions from any child: “Daddy, on which day are you supposed to tell this to your child?” “Mommy, because of what did G-d do for you?” Rabbi, what did G-d do for you?”
The ultimate educator is one who internalizes the message of the Four Sons:
1. Answers all questions; never trivializing the importance of a child’s curiosity.
2. Not only answers the question, but also addresses the—unspoken—issues bothering the questioner.
3. Permeates the children with a zeal for G-d and Torah.
4. Coaches them to think on their own.
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Mitzvot » Education
Holidays » Passover » Seder » The Haggadah
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